Calming Touch
by jessica-bones-winchester
Summary: Bucky comes home after a bad mission.
1. Chapter 1

Sarah placed her folded shirts into the drawer, humming as she pushed it closed. She turned to leave the bedroom and gasped.

"Geez, Bucky. You scared the crap out of me."

He was leaning against the door frame with his head down, and his hands in his jacket pockets.

"Buck?"

Bucky walked straight into Sarah's arms and squeezed her tight. He buried his face in her neck, and Sarah knew something had gone wrong with his mission. She ran her hand over his back.

"Let's get you comfortable."

Sarah backed toward the bed, but Bucky never loosened his grip. She pushed at his jacket until he let her go. When his jacket hit the floor Sarah took his face in her hands until he looked her in the eyes, then she kissed his forehead, letting her lips linger there as she undid his jeans.

Bucky toed off his shoes, then kicked off his jeans so that he was in his boxers and t-shirt.

Sarah wrapped her arms around his shoulders as they both lay on the bed. She didn't say anything. When Bucky was this quiet, she just held him.

She stroked his hair and remembered the first time he came home this way. She had been worried sick. He didn't speak; just walked in, sat on the sofa, and stared at the floor. No matter what she said, he wouldn't move. She tugged at his clothes and his face until tears sprang to her eyes, and she buried her face in his neck and wrapped her arms around him. She sighed in relief when he held her back.

She learned quickly that this was how Bucky coped with a bad mission. He needed the quiet. She wouldn't take that from him, but she would be there for him. The way he held onto her let her know he was grateful.

She ran her fingers across his forehead, along his hairline, and down his jaw, where she left her hand. Her thumb brushed over his stubbled cheek until he grabbed her wrist and pulled her hand down to his chest. He held it tight against him and took a deep breath, his face still lost in her neck.

The hand still around Bucky traced gentle circles over his back. A light touch to remind him she was still holding him completely.

As time passed, Bucky's grip loosened. He pulled away just enough to look into her eyes for a moment, long enough for her to see the unshed tears. Then he looked down.

"Five," he whispered. "I was running to them, to get them out of the way, and this... concrete wall just..."

Sarah brushed the back of her fingers over his cheek and he closed his eyes.

"Right in front of me. Five people gone."

Bucky's face was back in her neck, and he wrapped his arms around her again. Sarah ran her fingers through his hair, letting her nails lightly graze his scalp a few times. She finally tucked his hair behind his ear and kissed his head. She wrapped both arms around his shoulders and squeezed as tight as she could.

"In the war, I didn't get to come home and think about the day. We had to be focused all the time. Sometimes I think that was better. I never had the chance to focus on all the men I lost."

Sarah rubbed his back. She didn't offer any empty words of solace. She knew they wouldn't help. Past experience had proven that. She just let him grieve what he saw as his failure. A wall coming down on innocent bystanders. In his mind, it was his fault they were dead.

"I love you, Sarah."

"I love you, too."


	2. Chapter 2

Bucky's eyes flew to the door when it slammed shut. He uncrossed his legs and sat up, waiting for Sarah to acknowledge him. A wink, a smile, something as she entered the apartment, like she always did.

She tossed her keys and purse onto the small entry table and stalked into the kitchen without even glancing his way. A cabinet slammed, then the teapot banged onto the stove. When the sound of glass breaking was followed by Sarah's curse, Bucky was on his feet.

He leaned against the doorway with his arms folded.

"You ok, babe?"

"Fine."

She didn't look at him. She just grabbed a towel and bent down to collect the broken pieces of her mug.

"You don't seem fine."

"Just trying to make some tea."

"Hmm."

She stopped and glanced up at him.

"What?"

"You only drink tea when you're upset."

"That's..."

"That's what?"

"Not true."

"Isn't it?"

"No."

"Mmhmm."

Sarah sighed as she folded the broken pieces up in the towel and tossed them in the trash.

"Of course, that was my favorite mug."

Bucky filled the tea pot and turned on the stove.

"Why don't you go sit, and I'll get this for you."

"I can make my own tea."

"I know you can."

Bucky watched while she grabbed another mug and got everything she needed.

"Wanna talk about it?"

"No."

"You usually do."

She slammed her palm onto the counter. "Well, I don't right now, ok?"

Bucky lowered his eyes.

"Bucky... I'm sorry. I'm just..."

"You're shaking."

"I'm so angry right now." She curled her shaking hand into a fist.

Bucky walked toward her slowly until he was standing behind her at the counter. He put his hands on her hips and gently circled his thumbs.

"Talk to me."

Sarah let out a breath. "I work so hard."

"You do."

"You know that spot as department manager opened up a few weeks back, right?"

"Right."

"I've been working my ass off, trying to get this job... and he gave it to Beth."

"Who's Beth?"

"The woman who comes in late every day. The woman whose work I always have to check because she makes so many mistakes."

"Then how did she—"

"She's sleeping with him, Buck."

Bucky rested his forehead against the top of her head.

"I'm so sorry, babe."

"This woman is my boss now. I just... it took everything in me not to quit today."

Bucky wrapped his arms around her waist, and Sarah sank back into him. She placed her hands on Bucky's arms.

"I'm sorry I yelled at you."

He kissed her temple. "Forgiven."

He held her until the tea pot began to whistle.

"Go sit," he said.

Sarah let out a sigh and nodded. He kissed her head, and made her tea while she went into the living room. He couldn't get the image of her shaking hand out of his head. He'd tried to be stoic for her while they were talking, but he hated seeing her that way. All he wanted to do was pull her into his arms, but the way she was when she walked in... no, she would have withdrawn.

Bucky placed her steaming mug on the coffee table and sat next to her on the sofa.

"It's really hot. Give it a minute."

Sarah nodded. With one finger, Bucky brushed a lock of hair from Sarah's face. She closed her eyes and turned into him, clutching his t-shirt. Bucky wrapped her in his arms and held her tight.

"That's my girl."

With his thumb on one side of her neck and his fingers on the other, Bucky massaged the base of her skull and she melted against his chest.

"That feels so good."

After a while, Bucky pulled her to lie down between him and the back of the sofa. He wanted her to feel safe and secure in his arms. The idea that anything could make her that angry hurt him.

He pressed a kiss to her forehead, and she sighed.

"How do you always know what I need."

"Gotta be honest, doll, I was winging it. I've never seen you that angry."

"But you did just what I needed." She ran her hand over his jaw. "And you're right about the tea... I've never noticed it before, but I only drink tea when I'm upset."

"Speaking of... it's getting cold."

Sarah snuggled deeper into Bucky and buried her face in his neck.

"I don't need it."

Bucky smiled and gave her a squeeze, happy to be able to comfort the woman he loved.


End file.
